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I'm trying to think of one I haven't told you.
Oh, we helped Moxxi put together a wedding once.
Oh, we helped Moxxi put together a wedding once.
... You're talking about the lady at the bar, right? In Sanctuary? That Moxxi? Jesus, she's been married like five billion times, right?
It wasn't her wedding. She just asked us to help her arrange it, which was probably the worst idea ever.
[ He suddenly has the mental image of Gaige's Deathtrap wearing a bow tie and snorts. ]
Was there a psycho's head on every table as a centerpiece? Please tell me there was.
Was there a psycho's head on every table as a centerpiece? Please tell me there was.
No. And when I say "arrange" I mean, literally arrange the marriage.
-- Oh my god, no. Why would she trust you guys with that?
Probably because the bride and groom were a couple of Goliaths- [ you know, the big ones withe the buckets on their heads? ] -from rival bandit clans.
... There are girl Goliaths?
[ HARD-HITTING QUESTIONS. ]
[ HARD-HITTING QUESTIONS. ]
Apparently? Though they pretty much look identical.
So how'd you get them together? Flowers? Chocolates? Passed notes in the other's name that said "Do you like me? Check yes or no"?
Well, they were already together, I guess? They had a baby, anyway. And yes, before you ask, it had a bucket on its head too, and no, I don't know how Goliaths reproduce. I really don't care to know.
But when we got there to help set things up, there was trouble in paradise, so to speak. Things sort of spiraled out of control from there.
[ And she launches into the story about how Moxxi had a recipe for a love potion (for some reason?) that had the Vault Hunters breaking into a distillery and kidnapping the baby among other things for the ingredients. (The baby's tears were needed, not the baby, thankfully.)
And about how the potion worked, but way too well, and the happy couple decided to take of their helmets so they could properly kiss- but we all know what happens to a Goliath when its helmet comes off. They went on a rampage and killed the entire wedding party before the Vault Hunters put them down. ]
But when we got there to help set things up, there was trouble in paradise, so to speak. Things sort of spiraled out of control from there.
[ And she launches into the story about how Moxxi had a recipe for a love potion (for some reason?) that had the Vault Hunters breaking into a distillery and kidnapping the baby among other things for the ingredients. (The baby's tears were needed, not the baby, thankfully.)
And about how the potion worked, but way too well, and the happy couple decided to take of their helmets so they could properly kiss- but we all know what happens to a Goliath when its helmet comes off. They went on a rampage and killed the entire wedding party before the Vault Hunters put them down. ]
[ Peter's silent for a few moments as she finished the story, still overlapping each section of hair in a steady rhythm. Then-- ]
You have the weirdest god damn life, man. Sometimes I feel like you're making half of this stuff up.
You have the weirdest god damn life, man. Sometimes I feel like you're making half of this stuff up.
I couldn't make this stuff up even if I wanted to, really.
Hey, I dunno. All those books you read? I'd never be able to tell if you were, like, plagiarizing or something.
I haven't managed to find a book yet that's on-par with the insanity of Pandora.
Why don't you write one? Pretty sure it'd be the first of its kind, right?
Maybe one day I will. Would you like to be in it?
Only if you write me as a dashing rogue with a heart of gold, winning the affections of men and women everywhere with a charming smile, ho frequently saves the day with a pithy quip and a wink of his eye.
Ah, so you want me to write a fantasy story.
[ He's tying off the braid, but he pauses with an overblown wince. ]
Words hurt, Maya.
Words hurt, Maya.
[ She laughs, glancing over her shoulder. ] If anything, I'd write you for what you are.
[ He arches an eyebrow at her. ]
I'm preeetty sure I nailed the description of myself just now.
I'm preeetty sure I nailed the description of myself just now.
[ He ties off the braid at last, sitting back to look over his work. ]
Really? I thought I was spot on, but agree to disagree.
Really? I thought I was spot on, but agree to disagree.
[ She reaches back to run her fingers along the braid. It's kind of an odd feeling, since she's never had her hair braided before. She turns around to face him ]
Well, how do I look?
Well, how do I look?
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Page 85 of 98