[ She smiles, but it's a sad and tired expression, and shakes her head, gaze sliding away from his. ]

They took everything away from me. They took my will, my memories, my powers. The things they made me do... god, I remember all of it. Unarmed people, men and women and children- I slaughtered them. All because they refused to give the Order their goddamned precious tithe.

'Heathens', I thought. 'They must pay.' And I made them pay the ultimate price. I can still see their faces when I close my eyes.

I'm so... scared. What if they get in my head again? What if I turn on you?

I thought that if I could do this, if things were normal again, then I'd beat them. They wouldn't have any hold over me anymore. But I can't. I can barely use my powers, and the nightmares keep me awake. All those people... sometimes it's you, caught in my phaselock, looking on helplessly as I pull the trigger.

I don't know what to do, Peter. I've never felt so helpless in my entire life.