Shenanigans!

[phaselocknroll]

Comments

[nostalgiabomb]

[ That gives him some pause, and then he looks seriously confused. ]

-- Wait, so an ancient alien dude has just been sitting around in a sealed up Vault, waiting for some pricks like us to go in and mess with it? And only then would he try to blow up the planet?

What did he do all day? Like, there are only so many rounds of Solitaire a guy can play before he gets bored.

[phaselocknroll]

Not an alien dude, Peter. An alien creature. We're two for two- Lilith and all of them discovered the Destroyer, which I don't have a whole lot of details on aside from the fact that there were a lot of tentacles involved.

My group had to deal with the Warrior, which was in some kind of hibernation state until Jack woke it up.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ Once again, he pauses and thinks, "Wouldn't an Infinity Stone be nice to deal with that?"

Then he thinks, "No, you fucking idiot, no, it wouldn't." ]

So I'm guessing a healthy application of physical violence will be enough to take care of it, right?

[phaselocknroll]

That's been the case so far.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ He nods, satisfied. ] Good. We can handle it, then. Probably time for pizza with those milkshakes, too.

[phaselocknroll]

On the upside, we don't have to fight our way there, so that should help.

[nostalgiabomb]

At least until we run face-first into some big, toothy, tentacley thing with giant weapons of mass destruction.

[ A beat, ]

This sounds boring. You wanna head back? I think we have some paint we can watch dry.

[phaselocknroll]

Doesn't it though? I mean, who really wants to do battle against a gigantic alient abonination?

[ Actually, she can think of several people. Mostly her fellow Guardians and Vault Hunters. ]

[nostalgiabomb]

[ He lets out a huge sigh and forges on. ]

Let's just get this over with. I don't wanna miss watching that grass grow, you know? Pretty sure Sprout is catching up to Blade.

[phaselocknroll]

[ she shoots him a sideways glance, one eyebrow arching ]

There are times I have to marvel at the sheer ludicrousness of our conversations.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ He returns her eyebrow arch with one of his own. ]

Just think -- this ludicrous guy right here? [ He points at himself with a thumb. ] You're dating him. Willingly, in fact. How weird is that, right?

[phaselocknroll]

You know what's even weirder?

I wouldn't trade this for the world.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ Peter shakes his head, resting a hand on her shoulder compassionately. ]

You've got issues, Maya. Really, really deep issues.

[phaselocknroll]

[ she heaves a dramatic sigh ] I know. It's a hard life.

[ in the time they've been talking, it's been easy enough to pick their way through the camp, and head out on the little trail leading to the blast site.

There are a pair of guards in front of the cave entrance, and Maya has no idea what Sarah told them, but they salute and let them pass without question.

The cave is lit by work lights plugged into generators, illuminating the shards of purple rock- raw Eridium- poking through the cave walls. It's hard to tell how long it goes on for. ]

Ready for some spelunking?

[nostalgiabomb]

[ Peter's only seen bits of Eridium up until now -- small chunks that were a little too similar to another glowing, purple stone he's seen before.

(The first time he saw Eridium he'd nearly had something like a war flashback. He shoved it down, though, and no one was the wiser.)

Now, though with the crystals jutting out of the walls -- he thinks it's kind of pretty. And to think, these stupidly valuable rocks have been on Earth all this time. He didn't have to get nabbed and smuggled into space to experience something alien. ]

I'm good if you are.

[phaselocknroll]

[ She notices him studying the Eridium, and flashes him a small smile as they head deeper into the cave. ]

That stuff’s pretty much useless when it’s unrefined, but some of the bandit clans on Pandora think you can get slag powers by swallowing it.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ He turns away from his examination of the wall to frown. ]

That's not true, right? That just sounds-- stupid.

[phaselocknroll]

Of course it’s not true. That would just be ridiculous. Also gross and probably deadly.

Who would even want slag powers?

[nostalgiabomb]

Hey, some folks'll probably just take what they can get, y'know? Maybe better to have any ability than none.

[ A beat, then, ]

Even if that ability is barfin' purple crap all over a dude.

[phaselocknroll]

[ She gives him a looong look ]

Do you want slag powers, Peter?

[nostalgiabomb]

[ He makes a derisive noise. ] No way in hell.

Just sayin', some dudes ain't as well-equipped as others, that's all.

'Sides, I'd want a way cooler power than slag. Like, I dunno, X-Ray vision or teleportation.

[phaselocknroll]

Just making sure.

[ Though she kind of has slag powers, doesn't she? That's fucking weird. ]

... What would you do with x-ray vision, exactly?

[nostalgiabomb]

I dunno. [ Idly his hand trails along the wall, though he lifts his fingers before they can touch the raw Eridium. Harmless, probably, but he avoids it all the same. (He'll always hate the color purple, he thinks.) ]

Like, peek at presents before my birthday or Christmas? [ Nevermind he hasn't celebrated a birthday or a Christmas since the last time he was on Earth. ] Check if shit is booby-trapped? Find goons hiding behind walls when we break in somewhere?

There're a lot of practical applications.

[ A beat. ]

You thought I was gonna say somethin' gross, weren't you.

[phaselocknroll]

Just a little bit.

[nostalgiabomb]

Oh, ye of little faith.

'Sides. I don't need x-ray vision to see underneath your clothes.

[ Aaaand there it is. ]