[ It comes out too quickly, followed by a nervous laugh. It's supposed to be a joke, as it has been every time before now, but this time he just-- can't muster it, and the honesty in the statement seeps through.
Maya's not the only one who's been worried about him and this newest assignment, that much he knows. The other Guardians have tried to alleviate the coil of unease in his gut in their own ways -- some of their tactics more tough lovey than he typically likes, but he appreciates the gesture, all the same. Appreciates that they're even trying, because for a team of sociopaths, it's kind of sweet that they're trying to comfort him at all.
If something like this had happened while he worked with the Ravagers, they would've just told him to suck it up and sent him on his way. To have people actually be concerned about him and his well-being, without also having an ulterior motive for it -- it's been a damn long time since he's experienced it. Not since he was a kid, in fact.
Not since he was last on Earth.
It's been twenty-six years since he's set food on Terran soil. And right now? He's fucking terrified. He doesn't know why, either.
At the moment he's seated at the back of the cockpit, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. When Earth comes into view, his hands are clasped so tightly together that they're actually shaking. This is the first time he's seeing the Earth like this. When the Ravagers had taken him that night in 1988, he didn't get the chance to peek out of a porthole, didn't get a chance to watch Earth grow smaller and smaller as they flew away. He had been knocked out almost immediately when they retrieved him from the airlock, since he had kicked and bit and screamed when the monsters had come for him.
At one time, the view would've been breathtaking. He would've found it beautiful. Right now, it just makes his stomach do unsteady flips.
He stands abruptly when Gamora announces they're moving in to land, tries to ignore the fact that everyone's eyes are on him, expressions tinged with something really close to worry. ]
I just-- I'm gonna-- I've gotta check my gear.
[ And he beats a hasty retreat, climbing down the ladder from the cockpit into the common area. ]
[ He didn’t make it very far – he’s leaning forward, hands splayed against the table, staring at his blasters. And even if he had, the Milano is a small ship. There aren’t many places to hide.
(Well, there are a few. For emergencies, mostly, like if the ship gets boarded or if the authorities happen across them and they need to hide cargo in a hurry, and he thinks he may still be the only one on the ship who knows about them. He’s wondering if an unplanned homecoming counts as an emergency.)
Peter’s fight or flight instinct has always skewed more to one side than the other; it’s why he did so well as a Ravager – not that they were cowards, as such, but a healthy sense of self-preservation meant that they could live to steal another day. And right now? Every nerve in his body is screaming at him to run.
It’s probably why he jumps about a mile out of his skin when he hears her, whipping around to face her. ]
[ When he jumps, she jumps, pressing her back up against the ladder. Christ, she wasn't expecting that, but it just goes to show how... distracted they all are because of this.
She breathes out a shaky "hi", before regaining her composure and taking a few slow steps towards him. ]
[ Under normal circumstances, that entire exchange would’ve made him laugh -- at the moment, though, it goes largely unnoticed. ]
Huh? There's-- there's nothing to really talk about.
[ It's not a lie, since he really doesn't know what it is that has him so on edge. It's not as though he's getting dropped off at Gramps' house or something, not as though he has to explain why he's been gone twenty-six years, when he could’ve come back at any time within the past sixteen and hasn’t.
He picks up one of his blasters and a small tool, fiddles with the calibration. ]
It's not, though. [ she says it softly, moving slowly to his side so as not to startle him again. She rests a hand on his arm. ] I know if a mission ever took us back to Athenas, I'd be scared to death.
Something like this... it needs to be on your terms, in your time, and it just isn't, and I'm sorry for that.
[ The thing is, he doesn’t think he’d ever have "terms." Sure, in passing he may have made mention of one day coming back, but if he had the choice, he doesn’t think he ever would. He’s been a long way from home for a goddamn long time, now. He’s a completely different person -- definitely not Mom’s little Pete anymore, not the stupid kid who’d throw himself at bullies after they killed a bullfrog, that’s for damn sure. He’s this strange, selfish person who’s been running his entire life. ]
It’s fine. It’ll be fine.
[ He says it as much for her benefit as it is for his own. Still, he lets his hands drop, puts the blaster and the tool back on the table. He’s already done maintenance on his weapons a billion times since they got the assignment -- at this point, he’s pretty sure he could shoot a squirrel with pinpoint accuracy from a mile away.
He hasn’t seen a squirrel in nearly thirty years. How fucking weird.
-- And for some bizarre reason, the thought of squirrels, of all things, rips the fight right out of him, and he visibly sags. ]
[ She doesn't know what to say to that- she doesn't have words of comfort or reassurance. She only has the barest idea of what he's going through, and while it's true that she's be terrified to go back to Athenas, her fear comes from a completely different place. It's not the same at all.
So she wraps her arms around him, combing her fingers through his hair in slow, soothing motions. ]
The fact that you are means that even in spite of time and distance, a part of you still considers Earth home.
I don't know what it's like, to be gone for as long as you have. I don't know the magic words to say to make everything better and bearable- I sure wish I did.
But I am here for you, no matter what. If you don't think you can go down there without someone to support you, I'm here. If you want to sit this one out, no one will think less of you.
[ He wraps his arms around her in kind, rests his forehead on his shoulder and leans into her touch. And for a long while he just stands there, pretending that it’s just the two of them in the entire universe and that he’s not some Lost Boy coming back from Neverland.
He doesn’t know why he’s freaking out so badly, honestly. Earth is a big place. Not like he’ll have to confront any of the ghosts of his past -- they're nowhere near Missouri, after all.
And Maya will be there, and the others, so it’s not like he’s alone in dealing with this. Maybe it won’t be so bad, after all.
He tries to brighten his voice to show that he’ll be okay. ]
Can’t leave you guys alone for a second. Rocket might end up nuking the entire place if I’m not there to turn the puppy dog eyes on him.
[ He shrugs at that. ] Hey, I use it on everyone. Puppy dog eyes are universal.
[ Gamora’s cuts into the quick silence, announces that they’re landing in a few moments. He smiles a little unsteadily and tightens his hug for a moment before pulling back. ]
I’ll be alright. Couldn’t do it without you, though.
I'm pretty sure when they say "no more whack-jobs from Pandora", they're talking specifically about Gaige. I'll have to suffice in her absence.
[ not as though the other Vault Hunters in Maya's circle of friends weren't aware of what was happening. Axton had been especially helpful, being ex-Dahl military. He filled them in on what sort of resistance and armaments to expect to go up against, as well as gave them quick rundowns on how to effectively take out the standard-issue Sabre turrets they were sure to run into.
If it turned out that getting into the Vault would require a Key like the last one, both Lilith and Tannis were on standby to help with that as well. Honestly, Maya almost wished the gang could be here. It seemed weird, hunting a Vault without them.
But Peter needed her for this, and Vault or no, there was no place she'd rather be. ]
[ He gives her hand a squeeze, and there's the soft thud and a slight rocking as the Milano touches down. There's another second where everything cries out in unison, Run, but he tamps it down as best he can. ]
[ By all rights, Peter really should be the first one out. It's his home planet, after all. It's his home turf, and he has a claim to be the first one out.
... But he really, really wants to be the last one. Sometimes his instinct to flee manifests in strange ways, and he seriously has to wrestle with it.
Usually he does it by telling himself he's being a dumbass, and he mentally shakes himself as he heads to the airlock. ]
[ Thaaat earns her a low level glower, as he opens the door to the airlock. ]
You're lucky I like you so much.
[ He hops down into the airlock (and what the Milano lacks in horizontal space, it certainly makes up for it vertically). Some weird compulsion makes him punch in the code to open the door bay doors properly, even before Maya's made her way down -- maybe an eagerness that's only now rearing its head? Or maybe the feeling that he should just do it quick, like ripping off a bandage? The doors part, and Peter hesitantly steps out, taking a deep breath as he catches his first proper view of Earth in almost three decades.
They've landed in a forested area near the mountains, and the clean, crisp air carries the scent of pine and earth; memories of spending holidays at Gramps' cabin immediately spring to Peter's mind, and he inhales sharply, recoiling as if from a physical blow.
This is getting too fucking real, and he leans against the ship's hull for a second to gather his composure. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ It comes out too quickly, followed by a nervous laugh. It's supposed to be a joke, as it has been every time before now, but this time he just-- can't muster it, and the honesty in the statement seeps through.
Maya's not the only one who's been worried about him and this newest assignment, that much he knows. The other Guardians have tried to alleviate the coil of unease in his gut in their own ways -- some of their tactics more tough lovey than he typically likes, but he appreciates the gesture, all the same. Appreciates that they're even trying, because for a team of sociopaths, it's kind of sweet that they're trying to comfort him at all.
If something like this had happened while he worked with the Ravagers, they would've just told him to suck it up and sent him on his way. To have people actually be concerned about him and his well-being, without also having an ulterior motive for it -- it's been a damn long time since he's experienced it. Not since he was a kid, in fact.
Not since he was last on Earth.
It's been twenty-six years since he's set food on Terran soil. And right now? He's fucking terrified. He doesn't know why, either.
At the moment he's seated at the back of the cockpit, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. When Earth comes into view, his hands are clasped so tightly together that they're actually shaking. This is the first time he's seeing the Earth like this. When the Ravagers had taken him that night in 1988, he didn't get the chance to peek out of a porthole, didn't get a chance to watch Earth grow smaller and smaller as they flew away. He had been knocked out almost immediately when they retrieved him from the airlock, since he had kicked and bit and screamed when the monsters had come for him.
At one time, the view would've been breathtaking. He would've found it beautiful. Right now, it just makes his stomach do unsteady flips.
He stands abruptly when Gamora announces they're moving in to land, tries to ignore the fact that everyone's eyes are on him, expressions tinged with something really close to worry. ]
I just-- I'm gonna-- I've gotta check my gear.
[ And he beats a hasty retreat, climbing down the ladder from the cockpit into the common area. ]
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Follow him she does, down into the common area. ]
Peter? Hon?
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(Well, there are a few. For emergencies, mostly, like if the ship gets boarded or if the authorities happen across them and they need to hide cargo in a hurry, and he thinks he may still be the only one on the ship who knows about them. He’s wondering if an unplanned homecoming counts as an emergency.)
Peter’s fight or flight instinct has always skewed more to one side than the other; it’s why he did so well as a Ravager – not that they were cowards, as such, but a healthy sense of self-preservation meant that they could live to steal another day. And right now? Every nerve in his body is screaming at him to run.
It’s probably why he jumps about a mile out of his skin when he hears her, whipping around to face her. ]
-- Shit. Maya. Hi.
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She breathes out a shaky "hi", before regaining her composure and taking a few slow steps towards him. ]
I just came to check on you.
You um. Wanna talk about it?
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Huh? There's-- there's nothing to really talk about.
[ It's not a lie, since he really doesn't know what it is that has him so on edge. It's not as though he's getting dropped off at Gramps' house or something, not as though he has to explain why he's been gone twenty-six years, when he could’ve come back at any time within the past sixteen and hasn’t.
He picks up one of his blasters and a small tool, fiddles with the calibration. ]
Just another mission, right?
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Something like this... it needs to be on your terms, in your time, and it just isn't, and I'm sorry for that.
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It’s fine. It’ll be fine.
[ He says it as much for her benefit as it is for his own. Still, he lets his hands drop, puts the blaster and the tool back on the table. He’s already done maintenance on his weapons a billion times since they got the assignment -- at this point, he’s pretty sure he could shoot a squirrel with pinpoint accuracy from a mile away.
He hasn’t seen a squirrel in nearly thirty years. How fucking weird.
-- And for some bizarre reason, the thought of squirrels, of all things, rips the fight right out of him, and he visibly sags. ]
I’m fucking terrified, Maya.
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So she wraps her arms around him, combing her fingers through his hair in slow, soothing motions. ]
The fact that you are means that even in spite of time and distance, a part of you still considers Earth home.
I don't know what it's like, to be gone for as long as you have. I don't know the magic words to say to make everything better and bearable- I sure wish I did.
But I am here for you, no matter what. If you don't think you can go down there without someone to support you, I'm here. If you want to sit this one out, no one will think less of you.
Just tell me what you need, and it's yours.
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He doesn’t know why he’s freaking out so badly, honestly. Earth is a big place. Not like he’ll have to confront any of the ghosts of his past -- they're nowhere near Missouri, after all.
And Maya will be there, and the others, so it’s not like he’s alone in dealing with this. Maybe it won’t be so bad, after all.
He tries to brighten his voice to show that he’ll be okay. ]
Can’t leave you guys alone for a second. Rocket might end up nuking the entire place if I’m not there to turn the puppy dog eyes on him.
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[ her tone is light, and she smiles a little before planting a kiss on his cheek ]
If for even one second, you feel like you can't do this, tell me, okay?
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[ Gamora’s cuts into the quick silence, announces that they’re landing in a few moments. He smiles a little unsteadily and tightens his hug for a moment before pulling back. ]
I’ll be alright. Couldn’t do it without you, though.
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I'll be with you every step of the way.
Besides, where would you all be without your resident Vault expert?
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Oh, cool, is Gaige showing up on this job, too?
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I'm pretty sure when they say "no more whack-jobs from Pandora", they're talking specifically about Gaige. I'll have to suffice in her absence.
[ not as though the other Vault Hunters in Maya's circle of friends weren't aware of what was happening. Axton had been especially helpful, being ex-Dahl military. He filled them in on what sort of resistance and armaments to expect to go up against, as well as gave them quick rundowns on how to effectively take out the standard-issue Sabre turrets they were sure to run into.
If it turned out that getting into the Vault would require a Key like the last one, both Lilith and Tannis were on standby to help with that as well. Honestly, Maya almost wished the gang could be here. It seemed weird, hunting a Vault without them.
But Peter needed her for this, and Vault or no, there was no place she'd rather be. ]
Ready?
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[ He holsters his guns and stretches his neck from side to side. Before he speaks, he holds his hand out to her. ]
I’ll manage, though. Just gotta stick by the stand-in for the Vault expert, right?
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[ but she breaks into a small smile and takes his offered hand ]
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Alright. Let's kick some ass.
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Do you want me to go first, or-?
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... But he really, really wants to be the last one. Sometimes his instinct to flee manifests in strange ways, and he seriously has to wrestle with it.
Usually he does it by telling himself he's being a dumbass, and he mentally shakes himself as he heads to the airlock. ]
... Nah. Come on.
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You're lucky I like you so much.
[ He hops down into the airlock (and what the Milano lacks in horizontal space, it certainly makes up for it vertically). Some weird compulsion makes him punch in the code to open the door bay doors properly, even before Maya's made her way down -- maybe an eagerness that's only now rearing its head? Or maybe the feeling that he should just do it quick, like ripping off a bandage? The doors part, and Peter hesitantly steps out, taking a deep breath as he catches his first proper view of Earth in almost three decades.
They've landed in a forested area near the mountains, and the clean, crisp air carries the scent of pine and earth; memories of spending holidays at Gramps' cabin immediately spring to Peter's mind, and he inhales sharply, recoiling as if from a physical blow.
This is getting too fucking real, and he leans against the ship's hull for a second to gather his composure. ]
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But she is right behind him, and she spares only a moment to look at the scenery before moving to his side, hand on his shoulder again. ]
Take your time, Peter.
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What do you think, scout the area? Take out anyone outside before moving in?
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[ her voice is firm, but not unkind ] Seriously, give it a moment.
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that horrible moment when you realize you can't make a captain planet reference
you poor, poor thing
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