phaselocknroll | Shenanigans!

This wasn't supposed to happen. [ Lilith says it again, voice harsh, trembling, like saying it will somehow make this whole situation not real. ] I didn't know she was this far gone already. If I did I would have never sent you after that thing by yourselves!

[ His head snaps in her direction -- but he can't look at her, stares at the floor instead. ]

What the fuck do you mean, "this far gone"?

You don't know? [ there's genuine surprise there, somehow cutting through the guilt and the sorrow ]

Sirens need to take human life to stay in the human realm, but when a Siren binds herself to a human, she can no longer take their life... so she becomes something like a human instead. The process is slow, and I thought... I thought since the two of you hadn't been bound for long, she would still possess most of her strength.

I misjudged that. And I'm sorry.

[ -- He doesn't know what to say, just stares blankly at the ground as his hands clench and unclench and--

fuck I knew it I knew I was holding her back I'm a weakness I'm a liability this is my fault this is all my fucking fault-- ]

Can we reverse it? What if-- what if she starts taking time again? Will it fix it?

You can't fix this. There's nothing to fix. She made her choice.

[ There's something in Lilith's tone that suggests that she finds the idea that Peter would even ask such a thing somewhat offensive.

She watches him for a moment, then sighs ]

We'll send some men to collect the heart. Stay with her.

[ The way she says that-- it feels like a slap across the face, and he bows his head.

It takes him a moment before he moves toward Maya, sitting at the foot of the bed, mindful of that weird beam of light. And he can just imagine that she's sleeping, that she's resting, and that only moments ago she wasn't bleeding in his arms, wincing and biting back whimpers and crying out when the pain was too much, and slowly growing quieter and quieter until she was hardly moving, her breaths ragged and shallow and please, I can't lose you, please, don't leave me, please, please, please--

Attachment is weakness. Attachment is vulnerability. He hasn't been close to anyone in twenty-six years, and suddenly there's Maya, and suddenly he realizes how empty those years had been. And now he's realizing the weakness and the vulnerability is him. He's Maya's weakness.

It kind of fucking really sucks. ]

[ At some point, someone brings food and fresh changes of clothes for them both, thought Maya has yet to stir. Peter is offered a bath, a chance to wash away the blood and the chill.

For her own part, Maya remains where she lay through the night as the magic from Roland's blade mends her wounds. Though, even in her state, she can feel Peter's sorrow, his desperation, and tears stream silently down her cheeks.

The morning finds her considerably better, sore and stiff and oddly kind of hungry, but okay. Her eyes flutter open, and her first instinct is to find Peter. If he's nearby, she simply reaches for his hand. Her fingers feel a bit awkward, still in bandages as they are, and a bit stiff her the long night of healing, but she needs to feel her hand in his like she needs to breathe. ]

[ He cleans up, if only because the sight of her blood on his hands deeply unsettles him. He doesn't touch any of the food that's brought, though, because the idea of eating anything makes his stomach churn.

-- When she starts crying, though, he doesn't realize it's him causing it, and he just takes her hand, murmurs quiet reassurances as he wipes away her tears.

He falls asleep in a chair at her bedside, head resting on his folded arms. If exhaustion hadn't claimed him, he would bored holes in the wall with his staring as he waited for her to wake. When she takes his hand, he stirs, and panic wakes him fully when he remembers what had happened. He sits up abruptly, eyes searching for her, and-- ]

Maya--

[ His voice is filled with relief, because she's awake, she's alright for now, and thank you, thank you-- ]

How do you feel?

Like I was run over by a dragon.

[ she smiles, though it fades quickly as her eyes sweep over his face ]

Are you okay?

[ Yeah. He doesn't smile at the joke. Sorry, Maya.

Still, he squeezes her hand lightly, gently -- he doesn't know how much that weird light repaired -- and offers her a reassuring look. ]

Yeah, I'm fine, for once. Weird, huh?

[ She tightens her grip on his hand. Her movements are slightly awkward, but she manages ]

I... I'm sorry I worried you.

[ He presses his lips into a thin line, because-- he doesn't want to say, it's okay, because it wasn't. It really wasn't. He wasn't just worried, he was frightened nearly out of his mind, and panicked, and he felt so, so sick at the sight of her, ashen and bleeding and taking labored breaths-- ]

It wasn't your fault.

[ That, at least, he means sincerely, and he reaches up to brush her hair aside, to trace the line of her cheek with his fingertips, and god, he loves her. ]

You need anything?

[ She leans into his touch, eyes falling closed. She remembers feeling his fear, his worry, and she remembers feeling so sad for him. She never wants him to feel that way again, and she lifts a hand to cover his own. ]

Mm. A bath... fresh change of clothes.

[ She pauses, frowning. ] ... Breakfast? Is that strange?

[ -- Yeah. That's strange, and Peter makes it obvious by the way he tenses.

He lets his hand drop, and his gaze falls to the covers before glancing around the room. He doesn't want to leave to find someone, and he's pretty sure someone left him a plate-- ah. There it is.

He moves to retrieve the plate -- just cheeses and bread -- and brings it to her. ]

This should probably tide you over, for now.

[ She takes it, but sets it aside almost immediately ]

Peter, what's wrong?

[ He's quiet for a long moment, then-- ]

Lilith said our bond is turning you human. Is it true?

[ She stares at him for a moment, eyes searching his face. He wouldn't lie to her, she knows that. ]

I-- I honestly didn't know. [ she chews on her lower lip a moment, considering what that really means for her. ] But, it would make sense.

[ He searches her face, and-- he knows she doesn't lie. Jokes, sure, conceals, maybe, but she's telling the truth, at least, that she didn't know.

He scrubs his face with a hand. ]

Fuck, I-- I'm sorry. [ For what, he's not sure. Probably for taking away her invulnerability. For sapping away her strength. He doesn't know what he's sorry for, but god damn, is he sorry. ]

For what? Don't think this changes anything, Peter. It doesn't.

You-- I don't know. You don't want to try to reverse it?

To what end? So I can be a little stronger? So I can walk on top of the snow? So I can watch you grow old and die?

[ yeah, okay, that's shutting him up now. He bows his head, staring down at the bed. ]

I told you once that I needed you. That has never changed.

And now I need you more than ever. [ she clasps a hand around his wrist, trying to duck her head to catch his gaze ] Teach me how to be human, Peter.

[ He huffs a laugh. ] Not much different than being who you already are, just add in a little more vulnerability.

[ She shakes her head ] There's a lot of stuff I don't understand.

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