Shenanigans!

[phaselocknroll]

Comments

[nostalgiabomb]

No, you haven't. [ And he sounds more eager than surprised, weirdly enough. ] This oughtta be good. Let's hear it.

[phaselocknroll]

Bear with me, because this is a long and sordid tale.

Okay so I have this friend back on Pandora, his name is Brick, and he had this dog that he was really attached to. Anyway, Handsome Jack's girlfriend sort of... killed it. So to get his revenge he asked me and the other Vault Hunters to rob the bank in the town where she was the sheriff.

It was far from subtle- we had to build this bomb, right? But the metal that the vault door was made out of could only be dissolved by skag bile. So we had to build a bomb and then get a skag to eat it.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ He nearly lets out a loud laugh, but he holds it back at the last second, covering his mouth. How stupid would it be to get them caught by guffawing when they've already avoided guards and booby traps and cameras? ]

That's frikkin' amazing. How'd you manage that?

[phaselocknroll]

It wasn't hard. Skags will eat anything.

The tricky part was getting him to cough it back up.

[nostalgiabomb]

So what'd you have to do? Show it naked pics of its grandma?

[phaselocknroll]

Weird and gross skag fact: they defecate out of the same hole they use to eat.

We soaked the thing in laxative, and he barfed it back up.

[nostalgiabomb]

Oh my God, that's the grodiest thing I've ever heard. [ Not that it's stopped him from being utterly entertained by it.

They finally reach the bottom of the stairs, which leads them to another hallway. This time the lighting is poor and nonexistent at certain stretches, and Peter mourns the fact that he didn't tuck away a plasma ball to light the way. ]

Well then. This will be fun.

[phaselocknroll]

[ Maya sides off the glove that she's been wearing over her tattooed hand, a ball of purple energy amassing in her palm. The light it gives off isn't too bright, but it's better than nothing. ] I can only do this in short stretches, but it should get us through.

[nostalgiabomb]

Oh, you're a package deal. Beautiful, smart, funny, and a flashlight in a pinch.

[ He's careful as he picks his way through, mindful of each tile he steps on. He holds Maya's hand throughout, helping her step over tiles that he finds suspicious.

So far so good. ]

[phaselocknroll]

You don't even know the half of it.

[ she gives his hand a squeeze, amused. She has to stop every once and a while to give her powers a rest, but they seem to be making good progress. ]

[nostalgiabomb]

[ The come through to the other side of the hallway, unskewered and unseen, and they're greeted by a giant, gunmetal grey door. If Peter remembers right, this should lead to one last room right before the vault proper. ]

... Is it weird that I feel like we should've been shot at by now? I'm kinda missing it. That's weird, right?

[phaselocknroll]

It is weird. Should I be quoting that fishy-faced guy from Star Wars about now?

[nostalgiabomb]

[ He laughs at her description -- oh my god how can a badass be so friggin' cute? -- and nods. ] Admiral Ackbar -- and I hope not, but you know our luck.

[ Eventually he thinks, Eh, fuck it, what's the worst that can happen? and opens the door. So it's only natural that after tempting fate, opening the door reveals two violet-skinned men the size of Drax, who exchange puzzled glances before looking at Peter.

Wide-eyed, Peter stares at them. His eyes flick briefly to the two huge swords they each have strapped to their backs.

He swallows. ]

Um. Hi?

[phaselocknroll]

[ Oh.

Oh shit.

She doubts they can talk their way out of this one- they sort of had to open a secret door to get down here, and avoid all the traps and everything.

Sooo she pops one of them up in a phaselock right away, flames engulfing him instantly. She keeps Peter close- for some reason her wings don't seem to hurt anyone she doesn't want them to hurt. That should at least stop the other guy from getting too close for a little bit. ]

What was that you were saying about our luck?

[nostalgiabomb]

[ Thank God for Maya's fast reflexes. She catches the two men by surprise, and the one not currently on fire hesitates to move toward them, but boy, does he look pissed.

The second Maya gets the guy in a phaselock, Peter's hands fly to his sides for his blasters-- which aren't there. Damn.

His right hand then goes to touch the switch behind his ear-- which also isn't there. Fuck.

He backs up from the door, thinking that they can at least funnel them through while he thinks of a better plan than "try to punch the big scary guy." ]

I'm starting to wish one of us tried smuggling in a knife, after all.

[phaselocknroll]

We're up shit creek, as the saying goes.

[ Her brow is furrowed in concentration, trying to maintain her phaselock on the first guy as long as she can, until she's sure he's out of commission.

Without knowing exactly lies behind them, turning tail and running is out of the question. ]

I'm open to suggestions!

[nostalgiabomb]

[ Peter had really wanted to be cool. Like, James Bond levels of cool -- kicking ass and looking suave as hell in suits, who wouldn't want that? But James Bond had had gadgets and guns and villains who would monologue themselves into submission, and the reality is, Peter can be a bit of a spazz sometimes. As he's busy casting around, trying to think of something, he blurts out, slightly panicked, ]

I don't know, I don't have a weapon!

[ He's afraid to back up much further -- the place is fucking booby-trapped, and who the hell hires two dudes to just sit around all day, guarding a hidden vault? Seriously, what the hell? Did they take breaks? Lunch? Were they unionized? Did they get workers comp--?! ]

Okay. Okay-- Get into the room when you can, got it? I have a plan.

[ Well, he says that, but it's more like 5% of one. Actually, it's more of an idea than a plan. But it sounds a lot cooler to say "I have a plan" than "I kind of have an idea maybe?" ]

[phaselocknroll]

[ Here's hoping the one guy has one hell of a worker's comp plan, because he's little more than a charred husk. Maya drops him with no ceremony, casting a look back at Peter, as if to say are you fucking serious?

But whatever he's got for a plan is more than she's got for a plan.

When his friend hits the floor, the other dude rushes them. Maya takes half a step back, and has just enough time to rip a slit in her skirt for better movement before he gets there. He makes a grab for her but she ducks and rolls through the doorway, coming up in a crouch in the middle of the room. ]

[nostalgiabomb]

[ Once Maya is in the room, Peter tries to get the guard's attention by aiming a kick at the guy's kidney -- or, well, where a kidney would be, if the guy were human. But he's not, so mostly it just ticks the guy off. He turns toward Peter, unsheathing one of his swords. Clearly he doesn't think Peter warrants the effort to wield both. How insulting.

This is fucking stupid, his mind tells him helpfully as the man lunges at him. What Peter lacks in brute strength, he's had to make up for in speed and instinct -- he dodges the first swipe, sidesteps the second. It's a quick dance, barely more than a few seconds, and Peter is watching his opponent carefully, noting which tiles the guard is stepping on and following his lead, forcing them to circle around.

This is fucking stupid, his mind repeats when the guy tries to elbow him. Peter ducks to the left, but not quick enough, and the blow catches him on the cheekbone, sends him reeling briefly.

This is so. Fucking. Stupid, he thinks one last time, then forcefully and purposefully stomps on a tile.

He has a split second to appreciate how surprised the guard looks before he pushes off and leaps backward toward the gunmetal-grey door. Something falls from the ceiling, and Peter catches the glinting of something sharp and metallic before it falls with a resounding, wet thud that shakes the ground.

For a second, Peter is just sprawled on the ground, trying to catch his breath. Then, he tilts his chin up so he can look at Maya upsidedown. ]

Holy shit, did you see that? Holy shit! Did I look cool?

[phaselocknroll]

[ He's going to get himself killed, is the mantra running through her head during the whole ordeal. She's struggling for an idea outside of her phaselock, but she's stretched herself thin and her she needs some time to recuperate.

And then Peter suddenly, brilliantly triggers one of the hallway traps, putting an end to their attacker.

Staring down at him sprawled on the floor, breathing hard and grinning widely, she's never been more attracted to him in all the time she's known him. ]

That was so badass.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ He can't help but laugh -- the adrenaline rush is making him a little giddy -- and still looking at her upside down, points a finger at Maya as if it were a gun. ]

Quill. Peter Quill.

[phaselocknroll]

Come on, you.

[ she heads over, offering him a hand up ] We're not out of the woods yet.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ He takes her offered hand and hauls himself to his feet, dusting himself off. ]

You're okay, right? He didn't get you?

[phaselocknroll]

I'm fine. My dress didn't quite make it out okay.

[ it's got a long tear in it, going all the way up to her hip. Thankfully it's her right leg, so her tattoos are still hidden. ]

I can move a lot better, though.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ Gueeesssss who's getting an appreciative once over. ]

Okay, seriously? C'mon. At this point you're doing this stuff on purpose.